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Query from: Anonymous, United States, 05/05/11
Topic: ISSUES AND CAUSES      Submitted on:
Subject: How to deal with marital abuse relationship?

Please provide your answer WITHOUT using links or attaching images, docs, etc. (You must still give your source, however).
Attention Council Members: If this query is in the wrong category, be sure to put it in the appropriate category.

Here is the question: My husband is physical n mentally abusive.he drinks and always want to argue about little petty stuff,and always want things to go his way,when I try to give my advice or say something,its like I'm smart n he don't like what I say.then that's when he gets physical and verbal abusive.we only been marry 1 year,and its been hectic.what should I do?I left him for two days and when I got back he started up again,I didn't have the money to go anywhere or someone to take me in.I'm staying n this relationship because he says he wouldn't do it again,so far he has been ok,but the love for him isn't there any more.Thank you for your time.

Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)
[ This query closed ]
Response from: sambasivan s,   
Council Member on
Source: This information comes from my own knowledge.
Hello Anonymous, United States !

You married one year back only. Your husband is abusive, he drinks and always argues about petty issues. You have not stated about your back ground. Probably u are from India and your husband is also from India. In that case the main problem will be lack of job security and anxiety about future. On account of anxiety he tries to prove he is bigger than you and hence tries to prevail upon you by argument.

Drinking -- that habit he should have got a few year back and it is difficult to suggest immediate remedy for this. Treatment for this is expensive and time consuming.

You have stated that you cannot manage yourself alone--yes you are not employed and you do not have the money with you.

I do not know to which State you belong to in India. If you are from South India --u must be aware of the phrase "Kal analum purushan"-- Of course times have changed and this phrase cannot be applied fully in the present day context.

ANOTHER ISSUE -- the problem in living in another country without a valid work permit -- it is really worst and you are undergoing the same agony.

On the other other hand if you are a person who can get employment then the situation can be handled differently. U can take employment and stay alone.

NOW COMING TO YOUR QUERY -- Your husband says that he wouldn't do it again --believe it fully -- LOVE CHANGES PEOPLE NOT ONLY IN MOVIES BUT ALSO IN REAL LIFE -- you have to impress on him that it is good to be having harmonious relationship. Try to understand what he needs -- not only in terms of 'family' relationship - otherwise also. Sometimes a parental sort of affection may change people. Do not leave him alone --People take to drinking when they are left alone or make out situation to be alone to drink.

Keep him busy by talking, playing, doing work etc. There have been instances where people were bad years together--subsequently they change and start respecting the other's views. It can happen in your case.

Pray to your favourite God. Recite prayers regularly in his presence.

Find out whether informing his people may change his behaviour. People in whom he has respect --if u tell will it help? Think! Sometimes it may be worsen also.

Find out about his friends and through them also you can try to impress on him to change --not the friends who spoil him further.

In such cases --patience, perseverence, love only can help besides prayers and belief that FUTURE IS GOING TO BE BRIGHT.

You said that love form him isn't there any more. Please change that. Continue to extend your love for him. Whatever it may, there are more than 600 crore people in this world but that man is only your husband and you are his wife. So remember he has a separate place and you can give him many more opportunities. This strategy will help you in the long run. I am sure even your parents may be telling the same thing. PERHAPS you would not have told your parents about it to prevent them from feeling bad. If u tell they will also advise the same strategy of TOLERANCE, PATIENCE, LOVE.

blessings and good wishes

Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

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