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Home > Categories > Family and Relations > Relationships  

Latest Relationships Advice  (What's this category about?)

BROWSE RELATIONSHIPS ADVICE:
 From:  k -, USA, Jun/19/11 submitted on: Ammas.com
Subject:  Mother is threatening that she will go t...
Question:  Mother is threatening that she will go to old age home if my working wife helps her parents financially

News papers and TV shows say that children are not looking after our elderly parents but who understands children’s problems who are trying their best to keep elderly parents happy still no luck.

I am an Indian male in early 50’s. I have tried my best to keep my parents happy. I have failed miserably. When I finished my degree, we had no house even. I bought a house on my mothers name (as she insisted that) and provided fixed deposits on her name as she was complaining that she was feeling very insecure that we will not look after her. I give them 3 Lakhs Rs/year for their living expenses. I have done all this as my wife is also working and she never stopped me helping my parents. When we bought a house for my parents we had no washing machine in USA. In my Mother’s opinion women once married belongs to in-laws family so daughter-in-law should bring lots of stuff from her parents house but should not give anything back to her parents. My mother has 6 sisters and 2 brothers. She never had good relationships with any of her siblings. Now they don’t even talk to each other. My mother feels very angry and jealous as my wife is very close to her siblings and she has good friends circle. My mother indirectly keeps taunting my wife all the time. In simple words my mother is very controlling. No servant worked with her for more than 2 days. No Rickshaw waala takes her to any where in our town as she had fight with every one of them.

My mother says horrible rude things when she is angry and never apologises atleast later. I will give two examples. Once my wife sent 30,000Rs to her parents when my mother-in-law had a major surgery. My mother came to know that as she searched through the cupboards. On that evening when we came back from work, my mother said “girls parents should be better off begging on streets rather than taking money from their daughter’. When I spoke with her later in a very polite tone ‘Amma! please don’t talk like that your DIL is also working..’. She got very defensive and said “I did not say about your wife I am talking generally’. Like this she keeps something in her heart says things indirectly taunting my wife and her parents all the time. My mother tore all my wife’s childhood photos (they are not even in CD’s). My wife lost of all of her childhood photos.

My parents came to USA three times. We tried our best to keep them happy. Every time they shouted at us before leaving. My father is an alcoholic who talks lot of unnecessary things when he is drunk. He expects me to give him 20$/day when he in USA for his expenses. He says his friend’s son gives his father. They keep saying their friends/relatives sons and daughter-in-laws are much better than us. We are married for 26 years. Now my parents wants to come to USA and live for 6 months in USA and 6 months in India. They like to travel to overseas and show-off to their friends/relatives back in India. My wife made it very clear to me that she can no longer live with my parents in the same house 24X7. She said she will cook for them and give everything if they live in another house near by. I am working in another city sharing accommodation with my colleague. I have asked my parents to come and stay where I am working but they don’t want to stay with me as they don’t like my cooking and my mother has no energy to cook.

I can’t afford to rent another apartment to keep my parents in USA. I need to save money for my children’s education and our retirement also. If I ever say to my parents ‘I can’t afford or something is expensive’, they immediately say that my wife should not give money to her parents. The money my wife gives to her parents is only 60,000Rs/year. My mother does not like my wife giving even 1 Rupee to my wife’s parents. On the other day my mother said to me she will go to an old age home if my wife does not stop giving her parents any money and if I don’t bring my parents to USA every year. My mother keeps complaining to me about my wife all the time. I feel funny my mother is complaining about her daughter-in-laws now all the time but she did not look after her mother-in-law. My parents did not even visit when my father’s father died though they are in the nearest town.

After thinking a lot. I made up my mind. I can’t take all this stress. I bought two children into this world. I need peace of mind to be able to work and provide my children with decent education. I don’t feel it is fair for me to dump my parent’s responsibility on my wife. She already suffered a lot. Now she is in her late 40’s with some health problems. My mother keeps cursing me and my wife that we are forgetting our responsibilities towards them. I know I have NOT done 100% for my parents. Atleast I gave them a house and financial security. My wife sends my mother medicines etc by registered post to India. My mother is happy for a day and then she forgets all that and starts picking faults in my wife. My mother keeps complaining that her relatives and daughter-in-laws are not calling her. My mother shouts at them. Who would want to go through all that. I have a brother in India. My bhabhi told me that she would rather die than putting up with my mother. My mother tries to control my Bhabhi also so much that my mother interferes in every small thing like Bhabhi should not buy saree for her birthday, Bhabhi should not wear embroidery sarees, Bhabhi should not give sweets to neighbours etc. I have talked to my mother so many times but no use at all. She says she is right and her Daughter-In-Laws are wrong. She also says her son’s are hen-pecked husband’s who can’t control their wives.

I just want to share this with someone to get out of my chest. Believe me. I have tried everything I could.

Rate = 4 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

sambasivan s,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Hello k,USA !

I am in USA now. My son is working here. He has baby of 6 months old. We will be here till October first week.

I understand the predicament situation in which you are put to. You h

... Full advice ...
Rate = 5 (Rated by 6 Council Members)

 
Preetha N,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Dear Sir,

Your problem is not only your problem but also most of the families in the world having this type of problems. This is because of mis-understanding between mothers and daughter

... Full advice ...
Rate = 4.5 (Rated by 4 Council Members)

 
Aranya ,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  hi, Sorry for your situation...it's truly understandable.Yes,it's time for you to quit trying to make things look better.Your mother definitely will not change now and trying to talk her into it is a

... Full advice ...
Rate = 4 (Rated by 6 Council Members)

 
Vijaya lakshmi,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Hello K, it is clear that your mother feels unsecured and in the mean time not satisfied with any people. It is right time to let them go to the old age homes. Yes they have to go now. It is not beca

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
Nagarajan S,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Dear Mr. K, What you have stated enormously in your query is not only your problem but also most of the family's problem especially in Indian joint family. it is also world wide problem. Were

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 6 Council Members)

 
Dr.s.rama murthy,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Dear Brother, Your problem is a universal problem for all men from Indian culture.Balancing between wife and mother is always a challenge. Let me suggest some solutions which may help you.

1. Talk to

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 7 Council Members)

 
usha gurnani,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  We all understand you are going through a very bad phase in your life. I think your parents should understand your difficulties also and should control their anger because it is not fair when you bot

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 5 Council Members)

 
Nalini Sadasivan,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Hi, I understand your problem and feel really sorry for you. Some people are like your mother. They will never admit their faults . From your note I feel that yr mom wants to overrule her DILs and ge

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
V. N. Rao,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  There is generation gap.

Lie for good purpose that your wife stopped sending money – that may not be the only cause to irritate them this much – find out what else is bothering them, there must be

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 4 Council Members)

 
M Manju,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Hello K, It is well understable that ur parents will never ever understand u ppl.And i should not say that u ignore them,rather speak with them in their own way but u should keep in mind thatthey live

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2.5 (Rated by 7 Council Members)

 
 From:  Anonymous, United States, Jun/16/11 submitted on: AnswerPod.com
Subject:  Generosity in Relationships
Question: 

Here is the question: How can I get my boyfriend to be more generous

Rate = 2.5 (Rated by 4 Council Members)

Nagarajan S,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  I don’t think suggestions of what we do to keep things to be more generous will help you, as you don’t seem to need suggestions. It’s your boyfriend that’s the problem – but I doubt he needs suggestio

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
usha gurnani,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  You cannot change his nature. This should come naturally to him.

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2 (Rated by 1 Council Members)

 
 From:  Anonymous, United States, Jun/15/11 submitted on: AnswerPod.com
Subject:  Relationship
Question: 

Here is the question: My physical ed teacher is always complimenting me, telling me how much he likes my perfume/hair/clothes etc. He knows I play a sport and he always tells me he's going to watch me play. And he keeps pressuring me to join weightlifting. And when he talks to me he's always touching some part of my body. I have a hunch that he might have a crush. Am I overreacting?

Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

RAJESHWAR SINGH,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  You have not mentionedur age ,sex (male/Female) so it is difficult to answweur Q .How ever assuming u r a Female of age about 17-18 years i answerur Query.U r not over reacting,if u donot like his act

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
Nagarajan S,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Dear Student, These type of teachers are spoiling the students future not only in your country but also in entire world. Beware of your physical teacher. If he is male teacher, h

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
sambasivan s,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  "And when he talks to me he's always touching some part of my body." This is what makes one believe he has a crush for you. Please keep him at a distance unless it is a culture in ur circle for peop

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
Dr.s.rama murthy,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  your guess is right. Dont yield to pressures. Be polite in conveying that he should know his limits Best of luck Regards Dr.S.Rama murthy

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
David ,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  First, you don't say whether you are male or female! Either way, it certainly sounds as though he is keen on you. Over-reacting? Well, you don't say how you respond to him. If he is attractive to

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
babita ramakrishna,
Registered Member
  Ask Agent
  what do u want? u want him to have cruch on u?? or no. I dont want o give advise if the answer is YES.

If u dont want him to have crush on u STOP atleast reacting to what ever he says and for GOD

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
Meenal Kadian,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  ur teacher does not have crush on u but he is trying to exploit you sexually so be careful and don't allow him to touch your body parts.

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
usha gurnani,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  You have to be frank and if you dont like his action, you have to stop him from doing it.

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2 (Rated by 2 Council Members)

 
 From:  Anonymous, Nigeria, Jun/13/11 submitted on: AnswerPod.com
Subject:  Common Knowledge
Question: 

Here is the question: Define a moment of a couple

Rate = 2 (Rated by 4 Council Members)

Nagarajan S,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Define a moment of a couple - given two equal and opposite forces, the product of the force and the distance between them.

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
shiva sakthi,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Hai,

A Couple is a system of forces with a resultant moment but no resultant force.The resultant moment of a couple is called a torque. This is not to be confused with the term torque as it is used i

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
Deepak Imandi,
Registered Member
  Ammas.com
  This is a small question tbut lot of things are involved.It is not possible to state it simply in a paragraph or so.So,I am providing the best url for you to know about moment of couple please read it

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 2 Council Members)

 
Rafia Sultana,
Council Member
  Bangladesh Web
  Moment of Couple- two opposite forces collide each other many times and also live side by side for many times.

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2 (Rated by 2 Council Members)

 
usha gurnani,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  moment of a couple - given two equal and opposite forces, the product of the force and the distance between them

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
 From:  Anonymous, United States, Jun/11/11 submitted on: AnswerPod.com
Subject:  Common Knowledge
Question: 

Here is the question: How to read a guy's action

Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

Nagarajan S,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  If you want to read your guy's action you must keenly watch him the following activities of your guy. 1)For something action packed with witty humor mixed, 2) For something Sci-Fy, and intensely boss,

... Full advice ...
Rate = 4.5 (Rated by 2 Council Members)

 
usha gurnani,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Do not make us more complex and complicated than we are. Most guys will tell you what they are thinking. In general we are not the type to hold our feelings in. If you think the guy you are with is "a

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
Preetha N,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  There's no way to know for sure if a guy likes you, unless you ask him (and even then he could get shy and say no!); here are some tips to help you determine if he likes you. Some easy ways are :

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 

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