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BROWSE RELATIONSHIPS ADVICE:
 From:  Dibyendu Chakraborty, KOLKATA, Nov/25/12 submitted on: Ammas.com
Question:  Hi,

About 2 years ago, I got out of a relationship and have been single ever since. It has been my only relationship so far, and now that I think about it, I feel I had committed too soon without getting to know my ex really well. My ex always questioned my love for her, and it used to hurt a lot at that time because when I was in that relationship, I used to believe that I really loved her. After our breakup, I pondered over it a lot, and now I feel maybe my ex was right, maybe I didn't love her at all. I feel that I am too self centered to actually love another person. I'm an introvert and I feel drained if I do not get space, and my ex didn't understand my need for space. Anyway, after our breakup, I feel I'm incapable of loving another person, and if I get into another relationship, I'll once again feel suffocated if I do not get some space..some alone time for myself.

Now recently, I've taken a liking towards a colleague of mine. I don't love her...but my feelings might blossom into love if we really get to know each other well. But at the same time I feel what if I get bored of her after sometime...what if the way I feel about her is not real...maybe I'm just bored and needed a hobby and that's why I "think" I like her...at the same time...it's hard for me to ignore her and get on with my life. I feel I should tell her that I like her...but my doubts about my capability of actually loving another person is holding me back.

Are my fears genuine? What do I do? I really don't want to hurt this person by telling her I like her and later finding out that I don't. I feel happy if I get to help her in any little way I can. I get a bit sad and jealous when she shares a laugh with some colleagues other than me. But a part of me feels what I'm feeling about her is not true...maybe my loneliness is making me feel this way....I'm terribly confused.

Thanks a lot for your responses.

Rate = 3 (Rated by 2 Council Members)

Bobby Saxena ,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  You are not the only one who has this problem. We all go thru this once in our life. These feeling happen when we experience this for the first time. Yes! this hurts. But time is a great healer. You w

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3 (Rated by 5 Council Members)

 
 From:  Anonymous, United Kingdom, Sep/05/12 submitted on: AnswerPod.com
Subject:  Common Knowledge
Question: 

Here is the question: Does max love me

Rate = 2 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

Ammas.com, Ltd,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  I'm not sure, you should ask.

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2.5 (Rated by 1 Council Members)

 
 From:  Anonymous, United States, Jan/07/12 submitted on: AnswerPod.com
Subject:  LOVE
Question: 
Listen to the voice query here: http://www.ammas.com/uploadedfiles/…

Rate = 2.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

Lata Verma,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Can you love more than one person?

It depends on how you define love. For me love is to care about somebody. In that terms, I love my kids, my husband, my brother, dad, mom, and friends. I love the

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Rate = 2 (Rated by 1 Council Members)

 
 From:  Anonymous, United States, Sep/25/11 submitted on: AnswerPod.com
Subject:  What is Love? hmmm!
Question: 

Here is the question: What's love?

Rate = 2.5 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

nidhi arora,
Registered Member
  Ammas.com
  Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. Love is Sharing

Believe me when I say that this is

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Rate = 3 (Rated by 3 Council Members)

 
 From:  Kay, ALEXANDRIA, Sep/14/11 submitted on: Ammas.com
Subject:  Dear Amma, I'm in a real ba...
Question:  Dear Amma,

I'm in a real bad dilemma about my married life and am not sure what to do. I have always looked up to you for advice in the past and have got some really good insights. All I'm looking for is some unbiased opinion on what I should do.

Situation: My wife and I are married for about 3 years now. We have always had issues with spending habits, in-laws etc. She is on a dependent visa and hence could not work in USA. She did not want to work as a volunteer for any organization and always wanted to earn. But her efforts did not match her ambitions. We applied for H1B visa for her 3 years in a row, the first two times she did not get picked in the lottery the third time she got a consular processing which means she had to find a project here and get it stamped in India. She lost interest in her career and gave up on it. She was having depression problems being alone at home, went to India for 2 months the first year, 4 months the second year to stay with her parents. She cited the problems between us, between her and my parents as reasons for both such visits.

I resolved all her problems by getting better paying job, allowing her to spend all she wants. I also got isolated from my family (who were really causing a lot of problems for us). I protected my wife all through her struggle and went way beyond what I could do to make her life better. Now that we had all our problems resolved (as I thought) we were planning for a baby. She even underwent a gyno related surgery to fix a minor problem, started taking prenatals, doctor checkups etc.

Now, all of a sudden she says she can't have a kid and wants to work. She feels insecure about our relationship, she is not feeling my love. She says she is just being cared for by me and I am not showing any love for her. May be I am not romantic, getting flowers, saying I love you etc. but I have done far beyond what anyone can do for a wife. We go out to malls, shopping, lot of her favorite restaurants, vacations with her etc. I have isolated my whole family just for her. I thought if I didn't have love, I would never do anything like this. She says she does not have that one person who will love her unconditionally and truly madly deeply in love with her.

I was very vexed, because I'm turning 31 very soon, we had laid out everything for a bright future for us and all of a sudden our whole relationship is in question. She does not want me to divorce because her parents won't accept her for the reasons she is citing. She wants me to hang on till we get a green card so that she can be independent no matter what happens. I feel so betrayed, so hurt because I wanted to have a baby and wanted to see us moving forward as a couple and family. Now those hopes are dashed. Also my age is working against me with related to starting all over again with relationship.

I am really thinking to end our relationship because I feel both of us have given enough to withstand the marriage. For whatever reason we wanted to stay together all this long, I don't even know. She is a very nice girl, I am a good guy too. May be that's why I thought we would make a good couple. Now we both are tired of this, she is going back to India again this year for 3-6 months to start her career. I'm just a spectator here, so are her parents. She shut them up totally.

Please tell me what to do, I am really looking for some unbiased opinion. My wife is a nice girl, short tempered, and I think she is just going through another cycle of depression. But do we have to go through this? I feel its just unfair for both of us, especially me. Do you think we should separate?

Thanks Concerned

Rate = 3 (Rated by 7 Council Members)

T subha,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  I really feel for your situation as i am in a similar yet opposite problem. After having our first child i stopped pursuing my career. He had some medical issues and i just could not put him in daycar

... Full advice ...
Rate = 4 (Rated by 11 Council Members)

 
Aranya ,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Hi Kay, Uuum,sometimes, time will solve the problems.Yes,many marriages get better as they reach 10year anniversary.I have seen worst cases than this that stood against the storm-- initial years o

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Rate = 4 (Rated by 7 Council Members)

 
Leena Daniel,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  I can only imagine the agony that you are going through in your marriage. After overcoming obstacles in your life as to interference by in laws and other issues, the two of you should have a stronger

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 7 Council Members)

 
Lata Verma,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Kay, She, surely has depression. For one, she is not sure what she really wants. I have a strong feeling that she knows divorce is the only option for this relationship. Just like you, she would have

... Full advice ...
Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 9 Council Members)

 
V. N. Rao,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  As desired, my unbiased opinion, in confidence (hopefully) is as under.

Yes, you are right when you say "I think she is just going through another cycle of depression." - show her to a good psychat

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Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 8 Council Members)

 
ABC XYZ,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Dear friend, I can realize the problem with which you are going through. And I am very glad that you are considering all the factors before going for any hard step. 1st thing about your wi

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Rate = 3.5 (Rated by 8 Council Members)

 
sree ,
Registered Member
  Ammas.com
  Hi: I can see you really feel for her and about the situation you find yourself in from the length and detail of your question. You say you got a better paying job, take her out to malls and her favo

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Rate = 3 (Rated by 5 Council Members)

 
jes sree,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  from your part of view you are caring her,loving her and doing everything she needs and wants.but from her part she is not getting love for her etc.parents may or may create issues with daughter in la

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Rate = 3 (Rated by 9 Council Members)

 
Subha Badri,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Hi, After reading thru your mail i can infer that you love your wife, you have given/are giving your best attention to her. Your wife is not reciprocating your love, feels insecure and wants to focus

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Rate = 3 (Rated by 9 Council Members)

 
nidhi arora,
Registered Member
  Ammas.com
  look if u r having problems then she has her own problems. why doesnt she feel secure... may be u r not able to give her that security... see the point is it is not a question of who is right or who i

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Rate = 3 (Rated by 9 Council Members)

 
usha gurnani,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Why dont you convince her to go for marriage counselling who can really make her understand the whole issue if she does not get convinced by your emphasis that you love her and that what all you have

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Rate = 2.5 (Rated by 4 Council Members)

 
sambasivan s,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Dear Kay, alexandria:

You have stated that your wife has gone to India to start her career. Does it mean she is interested in working there. Then why she should ask for getting green card.

Getting

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Rate = 2 (Rated by 8 Council Members)

 
Anil Dat,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Get separated. What do you mean by 'nice girl, short tempered'? She is interested in her career - you are interested in sowing your seeds for a family. Don't try to hide this fundamental difference be

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Rate = 2 (Rated by 9 Council Members)

 
James Cunningham,
Registered Member
  Ammas.com
  1st She seems to have issues with committing to projects.Therefore you will have to be the Money Maker in the relationship.Her depression most likely is the reason for that.Her spending sprees are l

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Rate = 2 (Rated by 8 Council Members)

 
Nalini Sadasivan,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  HI, From yr message I understand yr problem. Is it inability to find a job the reason for her dipression . Whether her parents are aware of her problem? I feel it wud be better if you discuss with he

... Full advice ...
Rate = 2 (Rated by 7 Council Members)

 
sitaraman gupta,
Council Member
  Ammas.com
  Give her " NATRIUM MURIATICUM 1m" , 1drop in a cup of water in the morning.

No need to end the relationship.

... Full advice ...
Rate = 1.5 (Rated by 8 Council Members)

 

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