I'm in a real bad dilemma about my married life and am not sure what to do. I have always looked up to you for advice in the past and have got some really good insights. All I'm looking for is some unbiased opinion on what I should do.
My wife and I are married for about 3 years now. We have always had issues with spending habits, in-laws etc. She is on a dependent visa and hence could not work in USA. She did not want to work as a volunteer for any organization and always wanted to earn. But her efforts did not match her ambitions. We applied for H1B visa for her 3 years in a row, the first two times she did not get picked in the lottery the third time she got a consular processing which means she had to find a project here and get it stamped in India. She lost interest in her career and gave up on it. She was having depression problems being alone at home, went to India for 2 months the first year, 4 months the second year to stay with her parents. She cited the problems between us, between her and my parents as reasons for both such visits.
I resolved all her problems by getting better paying job, allowing her to spend all she wants. I also got isolated from my family (who were really causing a lot of problems for us). I protected my wife all through her struggle and went way beyond what I could do to make her life better. Now that we had all our problems resolved (as I thought) we were planning for a baby. She even underwent a gyno related surgery to fix a minor problem, started taking prenatals, doctor checkups etc.
Now, all of a sudden she says she can't have a kid and wants to work. She feels insecure about our relationship, she is not feeling my love. She says she is just being cared for by me and I am not showing any love for her. May be I am not romantic, getting flowers, saying I love you etc. but I have done far beyond what anyone can do for a wife. We go out to malls, shopping, lot of her favorite restaurants, vacations with her etc. I have isolated my whole family just for her. I thought if I didn't have love, I would never do anything like this. She says she does not have that one person who will love her unconditionally and truly madly deeply in love with her.
I was very vexed, because I'm turning 31 very soon, we had laid out everything for a bright future for us and all of a sudden our whole relationship is in question. She does not want me to divorce because her parents won't accept her for the reasons she is citing. She wants me to hang on till we get a green card so that she can be independent no matter what happens. I feel so betrayed, so hurt because I wanted to have a baby and wanted to see us moving forward as a couple and family. Now those hopes are dashed. Also my age is working against me with related to starting all over again with relationship.
I am really thinking to end our relationship because I feel both of us have given enough to withstand the marriage. For whatever reason we wanted to stay together all this long, I don't even know. She is a very nice girl, I am a good guy too. May be that's why I thought we would make a good couple. Now we both are tired of this, she is going back to India again this year for 3-6 months to start her career. I'm just a spectator here, so are her parents. She shut them up totally.
Please tell me what to do, I am really looking for some unbiased opinion. My wife is a nice girl, short tempered, and I think she is just going through another cycle of depression. But do we have to go through this? I feel its just unfair for both of us, especially me. Do you think we should separate?