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-- Happy Momma

Recent Marriage Advice

Q: Hi Just wanted to vent.
I come from a family where we value relationship and make sacrifice for one another. My parents have sacrificed a lot to raise us kids and they are still doing it even after 15 yrs of our wedding. To this date neither my inlaws or my husband have got me anything. I just cook and clean take care of things when they earn. They stopped me from getting any education and now cursing me for not earning. This has had severe effect in my health. They know i can't go to any job 'cause of it. I eat 1 meal a day even don't even drink water, shop in thrift shops for my clothes. Still they treat me as if i am going to steal their money and spent to my people. My inlaws are cursing me saying i am eating their sons earnings. All the while they spend on their friends and relatives even people who had never contacted them for yrs showing off. I have to answer so many questions in front of inlaws to get a $ 3 jeans for winter. When i ask my husband why i am being treated like this he says you are not earning, good looking. I sacrificied my job to take care of these people. I was voted smart and beautiful in college. Is it a rule that a wife should be earning to be treated like human? They even question as to how much property my people have and their earnings. They questioned how my mom could afford a ring after my dad's retirement. MY inlaaws want my parents to submit their income and expense to they and be at their mercy for money. They were so poor before my husband started to earn they had to pawn utensils in the middle of the month. Now they are talking about status and how we are not equivalent to them. Did i mention they are educated!
-- Anonymous, - 04/25/07
A: Honey,

Dont hate me for telling you this, but you should either stand up and fight for your rights, and demand respect, or just WALK OUT of this relationship.

If whatever you've said is really true, I dont think you should stay with this person anymore. He does not deserve you, so why the hell should you put up with him. If whatever you said is what is really happenning, he is a jerk and is abusing you mentally and verbally. The question is not whether you are smart or beautiful or whatever else. It is a question of respecting you as his wife and as an individual - which surely he doesnt seem to be doing.

Why on earth are you eating just one meal a day. Does he keep track of the food you cook and eat? If the answer is NO - youre NUTS - because you dont seem to have any self respect!! Eat 3 full meals a day, drink all the water you want, and do whatever you want. OK, now if the answer to my question is YES - honey your husband is a tyrant - a wife abuser - a jerk. You SHOULD not live with him anymore. Contact humanservices, or some organisation for help of abused women. is a pretty good website.

Honey, this is not even a question of your inlaws. They can be the worst possible people on the face of this earth, but your husband is one you should be concerned about. If he supports his parents - I suggest you get the hell out of there and learn to survive. If you stay at this place, you might end up at a mental institution in a few years. Think of what your parents may have to go through then.

For your sake and for the peace of mind of your family - please leave this person. This is the most important decision you may have to make, but trust me you will be the one that will benefit by it. It will be tough for a few months, but once you get a job and get busy, it will be a lot better and you will live a lot more self respect and wont be treated like an animal.

Thank you for visiting