Comments From My Users
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Dear Geetha Gopakumar,
I am very thankful for your advice. Your advice hits home. When i read the comments about confident person, i thought to myself..that is what my family and friends used to define me as. How did i become such an opposite?
Even though i didnt go into any details about the extent to which my inlaws go to be nasty. You got the pulse of it.
Ours is a love marriage,we know each other since we were teenagers. We had 6 years to know each other before marriage and 6 afterwards.Our openness in relationship is transparent, And that is why it brought me to my knees when i was a victim of illtreatment from people i knew.
My husband & I thought that love,respect and good behaviour will bring them out of their lack of trust with son and daughter in law concept and tried it so hard. But either they have gone too bitter or we were being unrealistic.My husband believes that parents are people who can never be told anything coz they know everything better than us. And so he never stood up for me.
I was going into bring my inlaws to US with just one thought in my mind that: I dont want to be the one doing bad karma. My parents have raised me with great typical southindian god fearing ways. I love my husband a lot, & he with the exception of supporting me when it comes to his parents is absolutely the best husband ever. He is the youngest and has never been treated as an adult by his family.
Anyway,My inlaws should be able to spend time with their grandkid and same for my kid.
Everything else that happens during that is arpana to God. And yes, I will get back to my earlier myself..if not for them then surely my kid deserves to know my true self.
Thank you so much!
-- Pratibha 07/18/05
thank you in respondin 2 my query |
-- sridevi 07/14/05
Dear Geetha amma
Thanks a lot for your advice.
But the underlying fact is My husband does not love me or like me .. He is just living coz he has to for the society and for the money I earn or as he quotes he will not get anyone better . I have tried all ways ...being nice /Just accepting/Fight/Aggressive /silent ... Truly speaking I could not win him in any aspect. And when we are comming closer MIL spoils it interfering in things like why do I call my husband and talk to him from office..and My husband gets influenced and things worsen.
We have been away from each other earlier due to jib requirements ...
but now though Iam not explicitly saying this I feel may be things might improve or some kind of solution where in I can start living on my own. He does not like me from day one even when the wedding was arranged (That’s what he claims now ) he does not like anything I do , Even If I change and adjust to his ways . He says Iam not strong to have my way.otherwise he says Iam adamant have no clue what to do.Its not that he has someone else in his life, it’s just that he is highly influenced by his mom and There is nothing according to me that I can do alone only anymore. I do not see any attempt from husband to improve relation . accusing/discouraging/nagging and harassing. Seeing all these reasons I want to be independent. My child is also becoming very aggressive and out of control with all this.I don’t know how correct or wrong Iam to think that we may be peaceful living separately > I know this will affect my sons upbringing,But Iam just not sure. I would not like to bring in my parents or anyone into this as I feel Iam alone responsible for my life atleast now and also I would not like to trouble anyone.Please suggest in these circumstances How correct or wrong am I to think like this. There is no communication between us also no one can counsel my husband other than my MIL .What ever anyone says he takes to his advantage and does not follow it thru his heart regarding us . In essence he has no intentions to develop a relationship.
So Pl. advice what do I do
-- HI 07/14/05
Thanks for your advise. I won't commit sucide and try to help my wife as much as possible. I have realized that, life partner is imortant than other family memebers. Some how, I have neglected about giving valuable importance to life partner, which really caused lof of problems.
-- Tarun 06/25/05
Thank you for taking time to write. There are couple of things that I need to clarify.
1) My In laws situation.
I do understand that things should be handled diplomatically etc. But where do u stop ? Do you turn to other cheek each time some thing hurtful is done to you or to your parents without your provocation? In my case, I feel I have been like that many too times in this realtionship and I suspect thats the reason things escalated to the current level. If I or my parents had stood our grounds right fron the begiinning probly things would have been different.
Once or twice can be given benefit of doubt , but if it becomes a permannent fixture, then u tend to react. Most of my reactions (or I should say hurt / frustrations ) were shared with my husband but never in front of ILs when they visited us. Was that wrong? I mean u need to share / let out into some channel before u can go in and face the next round of similar scenarion next time.
2. As far as internet realtionship.
My husband's case does not qulaify as an internet realtionship by your own definition above. He has met this woman twice in person and even spent a day with her when he visited her on his business trip. I have already mentioned this in my query too. He has spoken to her on the phone many times and of course there have been exchange of emails.
I can never look at it as a cinema or entertainement as one person with whom I expect to share my life and raise my child, is claiming to have emotional bondage/closeness with an other woman and has no qualms about the trust he has broken in this commitment. Can you?
Anyway I do understand thats your opinion and each of us have different perspective of looking at things.
-- numb 04/21/05
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